


Not Alone

by hugducks



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canon Compliant, M/M, Magnus is a good boyfriend, Mentions of other characters - Freeform, mentions of minor character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-26
Updated: 2020-03-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:07:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23329723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hugducks/pseuds/hugducks
Summary: When Alec takes a loss hard. And Magnus knows that sometimes, being there is all that matters.
Relationships: Magnus Bane & Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Kudos: 37





	Not Alone

**Author's Note:**

> Quarantine got us like:

There was something about the way the wind fluttered over his fingertips that made Alec want to smash everything on that damned balcony. Not that he would, no - Church had a liking to some of the trinkets – “decorations” – and Magnus had a tendency to side with the cat.

No, Alec resigned to gripping the ledge as hard as he could, ignoring the small flare of a strength rune on his bicep. A slight creaking punctuated the harsh rushes of the night, but to be fairly honest Alec couldn’t care less. It wasn’t like the rail had anything else to do.

 _How could he have been so_ stupid _?_

Alec pushed off of the balcony with a growl, storming back into the apartment without a second glance at the newly formed creases on the aged metal. The door slammed shut behind him.

God, the silence of the apartment was almost worse than the chaos of the city. Alec paced the living room, hands shifting from fists, to gripping his hair, to hammering whatever body part was closest. 

_It was his fault it was his fault it was his fault._

No. No, he couldn’t have known, he couldn’t have reacted any better – _but he could’ve. If he’d paid attention, if he’d_ focused _, then nobody would’ve been hurt–_

“ _Why_?” Alec panted, legs buckling underneath him.

Church meowed in displeasure at the interruption. Alec eyed the cat, wondering again how Magnus ever managed to make the feline love him.

“If you say so,” he muttered, walking to the bar to fix himself a drink. He left one for when Magnus arrived.

Alec wandered the flat - well, less so wandering, moreso purposeful pacing without an actual purpose. Somehow he knew if he stopped, he would drown in this sea of red and gold and decadence and guilt and– 

A flash of light, and a small _thud_. The warlock stood in the foyer, hand braced against a satin couch, jacket haphazardly strewn on the ground. He stared blankly at the ground, breaths slow, jaw clenched. 

“Magnus?”

His head snapped up, lips parting, shoulders dropping with a shuddering breath.

Alec may have cried or even laughed in relief – he couldn’t tell, couldn’t sort out reality from the fears slowly departing his head.

The shadowhunter braced one arm behind his lover’s back, the other reaching up to cup his face. Magnus sighed, nuzzling his into his palm, eyes blinking away their glamour. 

“Magnus.” A whisper. A hope. A prayer.

The warlock rolled his head to look up to his lover, eyes dull, bags dark. “Yes, darling?” A ghost of his telltale smirk graced his face. It faded as his hands made their way up Alec’s chest, fingers interlocking behind his neck. “I’m fine, Alec.” 

Gold eyes locked with blue.

“And–”

“Maryse has it under control.” Magnus nestled his face into Alec’s chest, breathing in his scent. “The Clave sent in reinforcements from Idris, and Catarina helped me stabilize the worst off.” He squeezed his eyes shut as images flashed through his mind. “Most of them will survive.”

The sharp inhale following the words made him wonder whether he should’ve said it differently, but a tight squeeze told Magnus that Alec was okay. He’d dealt in harsh realities his whole life, and there was no point in sugarcoating what he was bound to learn no matter what.

The shadowhunter pulled him down to the couch, turning Magnus so that his back pressed against Alec’s chest, the warlock nestled between his legs. He wrapped a hand around Magnus’s waist, the other resting on his thigh.

The beating of the other’s heart was the only anchor they needed.

Magnus fidgeted with his rings. He’d gotten a briefing of the situation when he had finally managed to get to the institute and… “Are you okay, love?”

Alec pulled a tight smile. “Fine.”

Magnus turned in his arms, stroking his chin with gentle fingers. “You don’t need to lie to me, love.”

He looked away.

Magnus had every intention of prying, but– he was squeezing down too hard to remember, to hard to notice as this wave of pain coursed through his chest, through his lungs–

Alec narrowed his eyes. “Are _you_ okay?” he asked accusingly, twisting around to better see Magnus’s face.

“Just tired, is all,” he replied with a forced lightness that didn’t fool either of them. “See?” The warlock snapped, wisps of magic snaking up his fingers.

The slight tightening of his jaw would have been imperceptible to anyone else, but Alec wasn’t anybody.

There was a collective wince as the martini glass from the bar shattered on the floor, halfway to the couch.

“Babe,” Alec whispered into his hair, fingers entwining with Magnus’s. “You need to rest.” 

The warlock clenched his jaw, fingers flexing. “It’s…” He shook his head. “Did you let the medics take a look at your wounds?”

Alec looked away.

“Darling.”

“It’ll be fine.” He sighed, bringing Magnus closer. “Nothing a healing rune won’t fix.”

Magnus’s eyes narrowed, turning to face his lover, free hand snaking to the cut he _knew_ was there–

Alec grabbed that hand just as it brushed the crudely done stitches. “It’ll be fine, babe,” he said roughly. He softened, bringing their hands up, pressing a soft kiss against Magnus’s palm. “I’ll be fine.”

There were few things Magnus failed to understand when it came to his lover, and this wasn’t one of them. He nodded. “They had us redo the wards to the Institute.” He quirked a wry smile. “Something about how the frequent Downworld visits have confused them.”

Understanding dawned in Alec’s eyes.

“Cat has always been better with healing, and well… the wards took quite the beating.” He winced at the state they had been in–he took pride in the strength of his work.

Alec’s chest caved. “I should’ve been there.”

Magnus turned, eyes serious. “Alexander, there was nothing you could’ve done.” 

“I–”

“In the state you were in, you would’ve caused more harm than good,” he said sternly, yet not unkindly. “Besides, the place was overflowing anyway.” Not a lie. An attack inside an Institute… as rough as it sounded, no one would be missed for a couple hours. At least they were alive.

Something broke in Alec’s eyes. 

“It’s okay, Alexander,” he murmured as the shadowhunter pressed his face into his hair. “I got you.” 

Alec made a sound that wasn’t quite human, but – Magnus was there. He was there.

The two settled into an almost-silence, punctuated by murmurs and grief. Magnus didn’t know how much time had passed until Alec looked up, breaths finally steady.

“I killed her,” he finally made out, words forcing themselves out of the blockades he always tried to set around his heart. He looked up, eyes plagued with quiet despair, one that always lurked deep down, and Magnus felt his heart break. “She couldn’t have been more than fifteen,” he continued, swiping at his eyes, his nose, “and I killed her.”

Magnus leant in, pressing a kiss to Alec’s heart. “You couldn’t have known,” he said softly. “You did what had to be done.”

“What had to be done?” Alec laughed, madness tainting the words alongside grief. He slowed, jaw grinding. “She was a kid, Magnus.” His voice broke. “She had her whole life ahead of her.”

 _I know_. “It wasn’t your fault a demon had her. And,” he said before Alec could interject, “it wasn’t hers either.”

Alec quieted, slumping back into the couch. 

“You couldn’t have known, Alexander. No one did.” 

“But…”

“Go to sleep, darling,” Magnus whispered with a small sigh. _Sleep never hurt anyone_. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Promise?” Alec squeezed his hand. After all the adrenaline faded… he couldn’t deny the exhaustion dripping from every cell in his body.

Magnus smiled, a sweet, soft thing. He reached up, caressing his face. “There’s no place I’d rather be, Alexander.” 


End file.
